Beowulf
November 14th, 2007
Robert Zemeckis’ high-tech “performance capture” adaptation of the Old English poem turns actors–Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn, John Malkovich, Angelina Jolie–into rubbery action figures. Only Crispin Glover, covered in a disgusting, festering texture, manages to infuse some sort of twisted soul into his Grendel. I saw this in 3-D, which is sorta groovy if you’ve taken some preventive aspirin, but it also further increases the sense of artificiality. The action sequences have all the excitement of a video game cut scene.
Beowulf is only one of a slew of recent movies that wouldn’t have been possible without The Lord of the Rings, and Zemeckis lifts dozens of shots directly from Peter Jackson. Of course, Tolkien in turn would be unthinkable without the Anglo-Saxon poem — and so we come full circle.
Long ago, in the Age of Heroes, I wrote an essay about “hyperfiction” that used the cheap carnival effects of early 3-D movies as metaphor for the teething troubles of a new form. I was tickled to see that even at this late stage, 3-D still means “Poles in Your Face,” along with all manners of swords, naked torsos, dripping saliva, and flaming arrows. It’s true that Neil Gaiman’s script manages to put a somewhat interesting spin on the original epic, but first and foremost, Beowulf is self-satisfied spectacle. I’d rather play God of War. Opens Friday.
Beowulf. Robert Zemeckis, 2007. **
- 300
- Beowulf and Grendel
- Beowulf at Rotten Tomatoes
- Wikipedia
- The trailer:
Color Me Kubrick
March 19th, 2007
Some movie premises sound like they were drawn out of a hat, so nobody should be surprised when the random results don’t work. “Let’s see here… we’ll get… John Malkovich! to play… a homosexual! who… impersonates… Stanley Kubrick!” I couldn’t stand more than twenty minutes of Color Me Kubrick because I found the whole mess incredibly painful and unfunny, especially poor Malkovich. Nothing, absolutely nothing about him says “Stanley Kubrick” — except the Blue Danube on the soundtrack. Is that supposed to be the joke? How would anybody fall for this scam? How could anybody stand to watch this movie? Opens March 23.
Colour Me Kubrick. Brian W. Cook, 2005. *
The Libertine
September 30th, 2006
Unwatchable, even with the finger on the fast forward button. Johnny Depp, Samantha Morton, and John Malkovich with a ridiculous nose stumble through muddy sets and deliver pompous dialogue; everything has a sepia filter on it. It looked like Depp’s character’s face falls apart in the end.
The Libertine. Laurence Dunmore, 2004. *
[tags]film, 1 star, johnny depp, wigs, mud, samantha morton, john malkovich[/tags]
