Some movie premises sound like they were drawn out of a hat, so nobody should be surprised when the random results don’t work. “Let’s see here… we’ll get… John Malkovich! to play… a homosexual! who… impersonates… Stanley Kubrick!” I couldn’t stand more than twenty minutes of Color Me Kubrick because I found the whole mess incredibly painful and unfunny, especially poor Malkovich. Nothing, absolutely nothing about him says “Stanley Kubrick” — except the Blue Danube on the soundtrack. Is that supposed to be the joke? How would anybody fall for this scam? How could anybody stand to watch this movie? Opens March 23.

Colour Me Kubrick. Brian W. Cook, 2005. *