I’m still retching over how awful this was–total Holocaust Exploitation, every bit as shameless and hoaky as Life is Beautiful. Meryl Streep? “I stole a Ham, and they zent me to Auschwitz!” Jesus Christ. And Kevin fuckin’ Kline, whacky and crazy like he just popped over from A Fish Called Wanda? Give me a break. Sophie’s choice, three hours in the making, is a heart-wrenching moment (how could it not be?) but the movie that’s been constructed around it is an even worse atrocity. None of the historical details ring true, all of the sets and theme music and bullshit accents (Polish and Southern) make sure you can’t take this seriously for a second. Here’s the give-away: we don’t know anything about Sophie’s son or daughter; they’re not characters at all. Pakula uses them as shamelessly as the Nazis. And Sophie herself, once she initiated our Southern boy into the mysteries of sex and death, gets to die. What a load of hooey.

But I can’t stop saying it: “I stole a Ham, and they zent me to Auschwitz!”